Infidelity

Infidelity is forgivable, but probably not forgettable.
Many of the wives I survey (20 % of them)who have been married over 20 years have "gotten over" their husband's infidelity.
Recent male celebrities, through their mistakes, are now teaching men WHAT NOT TO DO. It's is easy to see their regret in photographs across the news.

Keep your love alive at home and especially in the bedroom.
Temptation and a wandering eye won't be part of your story if you keep his eyes focused on you.
It's spring - Spice up your "Wow" factor. Why would he go out and get hamburger when he can have a nice juicy steak at home?

Breakfast in Bed

How does some restoration, relaxation and reconnection with your partner sound?
How about four hours of it on a day off, in bed!?
Here's how to create a stay-date, in minutes, that rivals one of the most romantic dates you've EVER been on.

Remember these three ingredients! Sweet A parfait Sexy (you) and Savory (An Italian Fritatta)

Sweet:
A French Parfait: Layer in this order, in a wine glass or small water glass, chopped fruit tossed with fresh mint, low fat vanilla yogurt, more minty fruit, another layer of yogurt and a handful of crunchy granola or cereal on top.

Sexy:
You. You are sexy. Just know it. Take a shower. Do some extra dental hygiene and splash on your perfume or cologne. Don't forget nice bedclothes, robe or hey, why not go shirt less-guys and let the lady wear your button down for breakfast in bed.

Savory
Italian Fritattas are a budget friendly treat you can whip up in 5 minutes using leftovers, 4 eggs and cheese. Organic,cage free eggs cost only .30cents each!

Bring to Bed: Movies, The Newyorker, A good book, A Yoga DVD, Cava - A Sparkling Spanish wine, Coffee, Parfait and Fritatta


Bacon Mushroom Fritatta
You can make it the day before and serve room temp.
Preheat your over to 350 degrees.

4 eggs whisked with 3 TB water
One and 1/2 handful ls of cheese (use a blend of mozzarella/Parmesan/provolone)
Two handfuls of sliced mushrooms - pick a variety
One handful of chopped yellow onion
2 TB olive oil
3 strips of cooked bacon
salt and pepper
Add anything else you think would make it tasty? Hmmmm....what have you got in the fridge?


In a pan, with 2 TB of olive oil, saute the onions and mushrooms with a pinch of salt and pepper on med-low heat for about 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.
Meanwhile, in a bowl, whisk the eggs and water and blend in one handful of cheese. Set aside.
Prepare a baking dish by spreading a little olive oil on the bottom of your baking dish (be creative - many vessels will work).
Next, pour sauteed mushrooms in baking dish, then pour egg and cheese mixture over it. Top with last 1/2 handful of cheese.
Place on top rack and bake 20 minutes until it poofs up and the top is a gorgeous golden brown.
You will be so pleased with yourself!
Enjoy.
Delenee
Happily Wed and Happily Fed

Heard and Understood

Have you ever shouted at your spouse, "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!"?
I have, but honestly, most of the time Glenn (my hubs) shouts that to me. (I have work to do on interrupting him.) We all have a fundamental need to be heard and understood. Listening to your spouse is, actually, one of the most important and loving things you can do for them. You haven't heard it all before, even after twenty years.

Everyone wants to be able to share their frustrations, their inner most thoughts, their fears, and their wants to a non-judgemental loving and listening ear. Let that ear be yours.

Let your spouse release bits of their life's woes and blessings, because they are revealing to you, this is who I am and this is how I interpreted the world and me in it. This is privledged information, even when it's coming out all wrong and they are pent up, angry, frustrated and taking it out on you, at the moment.

But, how, exactly do we show our partner that we ARE listening? Here are three quick guidelines to remember:

1. Do not interrupt. Your point can be made later and you will remember it.

2. You do not have to be right and you do not have to agree with your spouse. Watch out . . . your "righteousness" may cost you your marriage. Both of you can be right!

3. Before you speak, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, repeat back to your spouse in your own words what he/she has just said so they know you understand and so that they feel assured that your are listening and that they communicated their message clearly.

The Short Version: No interupting. You don't have to be right. Repeat back.

Let me give you an example:

"I hate the way you have organized these bills! Why don't you seperate the utility and household bills from the personal credit card bills and the business bills? It is so confusing to me and I feel overwhelmed just looking at this mess. We may wreck our credit if they are not also organized by their due dates. When they are just thrown into this drawer, well, honestly, it seems irresponsible of you." said the spouse.

Your response:
"I see that you are upset by this. You are afraid that I might pay a bill late or overlook something because it is not organized in a way you find helpful. But, honey, I've got a handle on the bills. I flip through them each morning, actually, and I know what needs to be paid first, because I'm the one who pays them each week."

Your further response:
"I feel hurt when you say I seem irresponsible. I think you know me better than that. I rarely make a mistake with our bills. Is something else bothering you? I know you like things orderly. I will make an effort, in my own way, to acknowledge this important aspect and I will show you that I am compromising. Can we figure out a solution so we are both confident the bills are handled?"

Marriage is a co-marriage-promise (compromise!)
Delenee

What is sexy?

Spring Fever with Your Spouse/What is sexy?
Try a few ideas . . . you fill in the scenario!

Self confidence
Whip cream
Intelligence
Dental hygine
French kisses
Honey
Physical fitness
A good attitude
Black lingere
Charcuterie in bed
Fresh sheets
His cologne
You in his favorite tie
Showers
Midnight snacks
Love making patience
Almond oil
Excuses for celebrating
Laughter
A spring rain
Naked Sunday mornings
A long strand of pearls and that's all
His embrace
Your laughter
2 shrimp cocktails in a bubbly bath
Champagne at 3pm
The phone off the hook
A wet t-shirt
The look
Your song
The truth
Reminicing
Fluffy robes over shaved skin
Wedding rings
Old vine zinfandale
Necks
Vunerability
Commitment
Open arms
A wink
Fully present
Desire
Chocolate truffles
Deep gratitude
High heels
Compliments
Courageous spirit
His bare back
Acceptance
Making plans
A silk scarf
Listening
Your softened voice
Sunset in bed
A slow burning candle
Quietness
Inner thighs
Deep thoughts
Letting go

The longest and oldest married couple in the world!

They have a similar message to mine! Never say the "D" word (Divorce) and Zelmyra cooks for Herbert every night! I think they are happily wed and happily fed.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina, have been married 85 years, and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple Herbert is 104 and Zelmyra is 101.


1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option - or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life - our marriage has lasted a lifetime

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?
We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith - when you meet him, you’ll know.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day.Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!

Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax - the look on her face & clean plate made my day!

8. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?
Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs - together.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win

13. Is fighting important?
NEVER physically! Agree that it’s okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend - not break!

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are both Christians & believe in God.Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.

Spring Fever Your Spouse - Food to get you in the mood!

Catch some spring fever and fall in love all over again, with your mate.

"How do I do that?" you may ask.

Answer: Food and love.

The ancient Greek goddess of love and beauty was Aphrodite, which is the root word of aphrodisiac.


Monday, March 8th I'll be a guest on KATU AM Northwest Morning show with show host, Helen and her husband, David, talking about aphrodisiac foods!

Enticing your mate is best done by engaging in a total sensory experience that stimulates all five senses. Hey guys - pay attention!

Women want romance! And, they want it all year long; not just on valentines day or on her birthday. On those are the days it is expected. There is a lot of pressure on the men to get it right! I often get asked by men, "What does romance mean, exactly?"

I tell them, it's easy! Just create an experience that tantalizes her five senses: Sight, smell, touch, taste and sound. Incorporate all five senses in one event and you score! Think about it, that's why women like to go out to a romantic dinner;
candle light (sight); aromatic foody ingredients (taste); holding hands across the table (touch); the scent of your cologne (smell); having a nice conversation or whispering sweet nothings in her ear (hearing). You get the idea . . .

How often Do Men Think About Sex? Men are "always" thinking about sex, according to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. By that they meant that 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women, they wrote in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Scientists. --From the Editors at Netscape


Men have got to "work harder" or smarter to get more lovin'
and by sneaking in aphrodisiacs they will.

Serve her a "secret tea" mixed with honey and sprinkled with nutmeg before she climbs into bed! It's relaxing and has aphrodisiac ingredients. Or ladies, serve it to yourself!

Sensory experiences are enhanced by stimulating ALL five of her senses: sight, touch, smell, taste and hearing. Women crave romance and when you set the "scene" for your love making with low lighting (sight), a cashmere throw on the bed or silky lingerie (touch), scented candles (smell), give her a delicious aphrodisiac food like chocolate (taste) and play soft music (hearing) you're sure to score!

Scents that arouse women: vanilla (increases lust) and almond (arouses passion).
At your local health food store you can buy vanilla or almond oil and mix it in with a generic lotion and give her a massage. You can buy vanilla scented candles and serve her chocolate covered almonds almonds.


Aphrodisiac Foods - Get creative with your combinations for tasty love bites.


Arugula: Documented as an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D.

Asparagus: Has a reputation of bearing arousing powers.

Bananas: Rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

Basil (sweet basil): Stimulates the sex drive and boosts fertility

Chocolate: Contains chemicals effecting neurotransmitters in the brain. (Just ask any woman.)

Carrots: Stimulant to the male.

Celery: Contains androsterone, a powerful male hormone that attracts females.

Cucumbers: Arouses women.

Garlic: This one is a miracle-maker, curing people and turning them on, as well.

Ginger: Stimulant to the circulatory system.

Liquorice (licorice): Particularly stimulating to women.

Mustard: Stimulates the sexual glands and increases desire.

Nutmeg: Highly prized by Chinese women as an aphrodisiac. In quantity nutmeg can produce a hallucinogenic effect. (Think of the possibilities.)

Onions: Restores sexual vigor.

Oysters: Very nutritious and high in protein. Turns women on; gives men strength.

Pine Nuts: Used to maintain male potency, rich in zinc.

Pineapple: Used in the homeopathic treatment for impotence.

Truffles: The musky scent stimulates and sensitizes the skin to touch.

Vanilla: Increases lust.

Wine: Enhances a romantic situation.



Tantalize her taste buds with these appetizers and make love before dinner (who wants to make love on a full stomach?)

How about warm steamed asparagus dipped in honey mustard?

Try an arugula salad with cucumbers and a ginger dressing with oysters on the half shell

Bring a bowl of sliced bananas and pineapple drizzled with honey & a dash of nutmeg to bed.



I'm showing guys how to make Sweet Honey Brie on TV (recipe below) which has two ingredients to make her melt.
One, honey - honey was given to the bride and groom on their wedding night in the 19th Century which led to the word "Honeymoon." Egyptians used honey for medicinal puposes for impotency and sterility.
Sweet Honey Brie
A seductive appetizer for two.
Delenee Brugman, Happily Wed and Happily Fed

Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Serves: 2

Ingredients:
A triangular wedge of French Brie
A tablespoon of honey
A handful of sliced almonds
Fresh fruit (berries, grapes, fresh figs or apple slices)
A baguette or crackers

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Place your wedge of Brie in the center of an oven safe plate or dish. Drizzle it with honey and sprinkle the sliced almonds on top of the Brie and all around the dish. Warm it in the oven until the center of the Brie is soft and just starting to melt - about 5 minutes. The almonds will become a toasty golden brown if you place the brie close to the heating element in the oven.

Watch it closely because the Brie can quickly melt into an oil like substance, which you do not want. Slightly melted in the center, but still soft is the desired result. The outer white part of the brie will still be firm.

Presentation:
Place the hot dish or plate on top of a larger, cool dish or platter and garnish with fresh fruit and baguettes slices or crackers.

Enjoy!

How to fight!

From Happily Wed and Happily Fed page 41
Softening Sentences and Sandwiching Sentences

When you've got something yucky to say to him, it is much nicer to say something positive first (softening sentence) before hitting him with the negative. Or say it in between two positive sentences (sandwiching the negative sentence in the middle) to cushion the blow. If you want to be happily married, you will need to solve problems without damaging his ego and your relationship. At first, I thought that using these techniques would be obvious, and so it wouldn't work. Nothing could be further from the truth. Glenn knows when I'm softening and sandwiching my sentences and appreciates the kind-hearted communication. The same goes for me when he needs to tell me something.

Here is an example of a softening sentence: "I really liked being on your arm at the dinner party last night. Your usual wit and charm were alive. But, I felt uncomfortable when you asked the host how much he paid for his house." This is preferable to blurting out "I cannot believe you asked Dick how much he paid for the house. You embarrassed me."

Here is an example of sandwiching positive sentences in between a negative one:
"Honey, thank you for power washing the side of the house. It looks so much better. But, could you please use less pressure because the paint is starting to chip off. I love having you home this afternoon, helping out. We're having your favorite, Procuitto Wrapped Scallops, for dinner."

Pump up your man!

Hi wives,

Sometimes you've got to pump up your man. We sold our cafe last October, and the restless entrepreneur (my husband) has been bouncing off the walls, just itching for his next project. Now he wants a "real job." Here we go.

A daunting task no one likes to endure is job hunting and for a self employed person, it's a bit awkward going back into the market.

Supportive in nature as a wife I must be, I decided to polish and pump up my man. I wrote his cover letter, edited and re-edited his resume and then printed 10 copies of both on beautiful crisp white linen stationary. Then I ironed six of his shirts - ready to go wear, trimmed the back of his hair, gave him a strong pep talk and sent him on his way.

Oh, the photo - last summer at the Alien Convention in Oregon. I put it here because his shirt is nicely ironed. Don't you agree?

Marriage Survey - Wives married 20+ years

I've begun my survey of women who have been married over 20 years. It will be my life long project. These women are hard to find! Here is one quick response to a survey question that is introspective and inspiring.
Delenee


Question 3: Tell me about a turning point in your marriage where you
stuck it out - perhaps you were dangerously close to divorce
- and you made it work.

Answer: Actually, I had filed for divorce. My aah haa moment was during seperation. I finally realized that my husband was not there & I was still miserable... so he must not be the problem. I started soul searching and the real work began. It continues today.

A Feminist Wife

Dear Readers,
Many of you want to know me better, want to understand my position and want to know what my book is about. So as not to be misunderstood, I need to make something very clear. I am a feminist.

The true meaning behind the feminist movement is equality between the sexes. I cherish our rights: Equal pay for equal work, the right to choose, anti-violence against women, access to birth control, leadership in government at world leadership levels, equal opportunity for education, and the freedom to pursue anything we desire.

I am a feminist. I am a mother of two daughters and would vehemently stand up against anyone threatening to reduce these rights so many women fought so hard to achieve. I am thankful to women who broke molds like, Susan B.Anthony who wrote the Declaration of Rights for Women in 1876 and Elizabeth Blackwell, the first woman to become a physician.

I am also a wife. And, what I've learned from 22 years as a wife and as a woman who was raised during the feminist movement is that we can unite the two sides. There doesn't have to be the stay at home moms vs the working mothers - we are both. We are women. There doesn't have to be the working women vs the homemakers - We are both. We are women.

I do not believe that a woman's place is in the home and write now to make that perfectly clear. Because I have learned how to keep a man happy and I like to cook should not, and I will not let it, categorize me as "old fashioned." It is true that I love to be at home and think it is the best place on earth. Because I like creating a wonderful domestic life, doesn't mean I'm 1950's mentality. There have been plenty of years in my marriage that I brought home more "bacon" than my husband, but all the while I still loved nurturing my husband and my domestic side.

For many women, nurturing and being feminine is natural. It is a gift to be a woman. Men crave this feminine side of us and it has little to do with our rights in society. Why can't we have both!? I see that the feminist movement was a rocky path and that it bamboozled men. Many men agree with us, and they don't want to be hated.
I think they miss feminine women.

Why did we have to destroy family values and tradition in the path of feminine freedom? Did you know that 2/3 of all divorces are filed by women? Perhaps this statistic is influenced by violence or infidelity by a husband. Of course, I agree with our right to divorce and I have a zero tolerence for both behaviors!

In Happily Wed and Happily Fed my story meets tradition with feminine freedom, at home, where I nurture my man. Delenee

Stinkin' Men

In the movie, Johnny Cash, Reese Witherspoon plays June Carter - the gorgeous, talented and sensuous singer. In a poignant scene, she cries out her grief after spending all day on the tour bus with the all male band members, and she calls them Stinkin' Men!

Fast forward 2010 . .. Have you ever stepped out of the bath refreshed, in a white cotton robe, smelling of sea salts and creamed lotions and yelled down the hall, "Honey, I saved you some hot water!"?

You wanted him to take a shower because he had spent the entire afternoon removing an old stinkin' dishwasher in your rental apartment and came home looking and smelling like a refrigerator repair man. And, you DID shave your legs faster than you had wanted to, so that he actually WOULD have hot water to take a shower.

Then, quite unexpectedly, a reality TV moment screeches forth as he replies,
"No thanks, I'm good."

As you enter the bedroom and see HIM lying in the "usual" spot with a sweaty brow, you suddently think about June Carter.

Hangin' in ther after 20+
Delenee

Enjoli Perfume Commercial 1980!

Do you remember the commercial for Enjoli perfume in the 1980? If you do, I know how old you are! Ha! I have a confession to make. As a teen, while watching That Girl and Room 222 on TV, the Enjoli perfume commercial would come on AND I DESPERATELY WANTED TO BE HER! I would fantasize about being that sexy, modern woman who had it all. She sang, "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, never, never let you forget you're a man - cuz I'm a wo-man. Enjoli!"

Here's the link. Take a walk in the past!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X4MwbVf5OA

Of course, I did become her in my own way. We all did. I think about these things at 3:22 am when my hot flash subsides and I'm wide awake.

Let him save the day

Men need to be heroes. It's in their nature. It doesn't matter if he bandaged your son's "owie" or borrowed money from his mother to pull the house out of foreclosure - either way - he's your hero. Tell him so.

Whisper in his ear, "You saved the day." "I love you." "You are a good father." "We love you." "Thank you for protecting us." "You are my hero."

Then, at the end of the day, just before dinner, make a toast to your husband. Take a deliberate moment to acknowledge him (yes, again) aloud for saving the day and being your hero. He will beam from the inside out, even if he pooh-pooh's it.

Give your husband this kind of respect and appreciation often. He needs it and so do you. His proud, manly adoration and protection for you will rise up and he will become a modern day knight in shining armor - your hero.

Delenee

It's a pain in the xxx sometimes and I'm a little bossy

Happy New Year!
I'm so happy you found this blog, I can help you with your marriage.

I'm a wife and author of Happily Wed and Happily Fed. I am not "Dr. Know It All!" And, I never want to be. I am just a wife who speaks to you as a friend - talking wife to wife- and I've been married for 22 years. It's a pain in the xxx sometimes, but oh so worth it to stay married long term. Take heart, I've got lots of tips for you and stories to ease your wedded days.

For example, did you know that there are moments in just about every day that my husband drives me nuts! Yes, it's true. Please don't think that I'm lucky or that I married a good guy and that's why we've lasted 22 years. Yes, he is a good guy, but not perfect! We've both have worked at our marriage and we still work at it daily.

At the grocery store this afternoon, for example, I got that "arrrrgggg" feeling because Glenn, my hubby, was putting fatty foods, the "wrong" kind of catfood and miscellaneous random items (that don't make a complete meal) into the grocery cart. He hadn't even touched a fruit or vegetable and then he forgot which Chardonnay was my favorite. Arrrrgggg... Then he grabbed a jar of chopped olives (the same one he didn't like several months ago). I curtly said, "honey, we don't need that olive tapenade and you don't like it" (control statement). I winced when I saw another man glance over at me and frown. I guess I sounded a little bossy.

Much to my chagrin, I must admit I did. Who cares what he puts into the grocery cart. Good grief, what if a jar of $3.99 olive tapenade sits in our pantry for a year? So what!

I shut up, took a breath and smiled. I thought to myself, lets just have a nice afternoon.
And, we did.