Heard and Understood

Have you ever shouted at your spouse, "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!"?
I have, but honestly, most of the time Glenn (my hubs) shouts that to me. (I have work to do on interrupting him.) We all have a fundamental need to be heard and understood. Listening to your spouse is, actually, one of the most important and loving things you can do for them. You haven't heard it all before, even after twenty years.

Everyone wants to be able to share their frustrations, their inner most thoughts, their fears, and their wants to a non-judgemental loving and listening ear. Let that ear be yours.

Let your spouse release bits of their life's woes and blessings, because they are revealing to you, this is who I am and this is how I interpreted the world and me in it. This is privledged information, even when it's coming out all wrong and they are pent up, angry, frustrated and taking it out on you, at the moment.

But, how, exactly do we show our partner that we ARE listening? Here are three quick guidelines to remember:

1. Do not interrupt. Your point can be made later and you will remember it.

2. You do not have to be right and you do not have to agree with your spouse. Watch out . . . your "righteousness" may cost you your marriage. Both of you can be right!

3. Before you speak, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, repeat back to your spouse in your own words what he/she has just said so they know you understand and so that they feel assured that your are listening and that they communicated their message clearly.

The Short Version: No interupting. You don't have to be right. Repeat back.

Let me give you an example:

"I hate the way you have organized these bills! Why don't you seperate the utility and household bills from the personal credit card bills and the business bills? It is so confusing to me and I feel overwhelmed just looking at this mess. We may wreck our credit if they are not also organized by their due dates. When they are just thrown into this drawer, well, honestly, it seems irresponsible of you." said the spouse.

Your response:
"I see that you are upset by this. You are afraid that I might pay a bill late or overlook something because it is not organized in a way you find helpful. But, honey, I've got a handle on the bills. I flip through them each morning, actually, and I know what needs to be paid first, because I'm the one who pays them each week."

Your further response:
"I feel hurt when you say I seem irresponsible. I think you know me better than that. I rarely make a mistake with our bills. Is something else bothering you? I know you like things orderly. I will make an effort, in my own way, to acknowledge this important aspect and I will show you that I am compromising. Can we figure out a solution so we are both confident the bills are handled?"

Marriage is a co-marriage-promise (compromise!)
Delenee

What is sexy?

Spring Fever with Your Spouse/What is sexy?
Try a few ideas . . . you fill in the scenario!

Self confidence
Whip cream
Intelligence
Dental hygine
French kisses
Honey
Physical fitness
A good attitude
Black lingere
Charcuterie in bed
Fresh sheets
His cologne
You in his favorite tie
Showers
Midnight snacks
Love making patience
Almond oil
Excuses for celebrating
Laughter
A spring rain
Naked Sunday mornings
A long strand of pearls and that's all
His embrace
Your laughter
2 shrimp cocktails in a bubbly bath
Champagne at 3pm
The phone off the hook
A wet t-shirt
The look
Your song
The truth
Reminicing
Fluffy robes over shaved skin
Wedding rings
Old vine zinfandale
Necks
Vunerability
Commitment
Open arms
A wink
Fully present
Desire
Chocolate truffles
Deep gratitude
High heels
Compliments
Courageous spirit
His bare back
Acceptance
Making plans
A silk scarf
Listening
Your softened voice
Sunset in bed
A slow burning candle
Quietness
Inner thighs
Deep thoughts
Letting go

The longest and oldest married couple in the world!

They have a similar message to mine! Never say the "D" word (Divorce) and Zelmyra cooks for Herbert every night! I think they are happily wed and happily fed.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina, have been married 85 years, and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple Herbert is 104 and Zelmyra is 101.


1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option - or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life - our marriage has lasted a lifetime

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?
We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith - when you meet him, you’ll know.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day.Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!

Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax - the look on her face & clean plate made my day!

8. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?
Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs - together.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win

13. Is fighting important?
NEVER physically! Agree that it’s okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend - not break!

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are both Christians & believe in God.Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.

Spring Fever Your Spouse - Food to get you in the mood!

Catch some spring fever and fall in love all over again, with your mate.

"How do I do that?" you may ask.

Answer: Food and love.

The ancient Greek goddess of love and beauty was Aphrodite, which is the root word of aphrodisiac.


Monday, March 8th I'll be a guest on KATU AM Northwest Morning show with show host, Helen and her husband, David, talking about aphrodisiac foods!

Enticing your mate is best done by engaging in a total sensory experience that stimulates all five senses. Hey guys - pay attention!

Women want romance! And, they want it all year long; not just on valentines day or on her birthday. On those are the days it is expected. There is a lot of pressure on the men to get it right! I often get asked by men, "What does romance mean, exactly?"

I tell them, it's easy! Just create an experience that tantalizes her five senses: Sight, smell, touch, taste and sound. Incorporate all five senses in one event and you score! Think about it, that's why women like to go out to a romantic dinner;
candle light (sight); aromatic foody ingredients (taste); holding hands across the table (touch); the scent of your cologne (smell); having a nice conversation or whispering sweet nothings in her ear (hearing). You get the idea . . .

How often Do Men Think About Sex? Men are "always" thinking about sex, according to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. By that they meant that 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women, they wrote in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Scientists. --From the Editors at Netscape


Men have got to "work harder" or smarter to get more lovin'
and by sneaking in aphrodisiacs they will.

Serve her a "secret tea" mixed with honey and sprinkled with nutmeg before she climbs into bed! It's relaxing and has aphrodisiac ingredients. Or ladies, serve it to yourself!

Sensory experiences are enhanced by stimulating ALL five of her senses: sight, touch, smell, taste and hearing. Women crave romance and when you set the "scene" for your love making with low lighting (sight), a cashmere throw on the bed or silky lingerie (touch), scented candles (smell), give her a delicious aphrodisiac food like chocolate (taste) and play soft music (hearing) you're sure to score!

Scents that arouse women: vanilla (increases lust) and almond (arouses passion).
At your local health food store you can buy vanilla or almond oil and mix it in with a generic lotion and give her a massage. You can buy vanilla scented candles and serve her chocolate covered almonds almonds.


Aphrodisiac Foods - Get creative with your combinations for tasty love bites.


Arugula: Documented as an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D.

Asparagus: Has a reputation of bearing arousing powers.

Bananas: Rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

Basil (sweet basil): Stimulates the sex drive and boosts fertility

Chocolate: Contains chemicals effecting neurotransmitters in the brain. (Just ask any woman.)

Carrots: Stimulant to the male.

Celery: Contains androsterone, a powerful male hormone that attracts females.

Cucumbers: Arouses women.

Garlic: This one is a miracle-maker, curing people and turning them on, as well.

Ginger: Stimulant to the circulatory system.

Liquorice (licorice): Particularly stimulating to women.

Mustard: Stimulates the sexual glands and increases desire.

Nutmeg: Highly prized by Chinese women as an aphrodisiac. In quantity nutmeg can produce a hallucinogenic effect. (Think of the possibilities.)

Onions: Restores sexual vigor.

Oysters: Very nutritious and high in protein. Turns women on; gives men strength.

Pine Nuts: Used to maintain male potency, rich in zinc.

Pineapple: Used in the homeopathic treatment for impotence.

Truffles: The musky scent stimulates and sensitizes the skin to touch.

Vanilla: Increases lust.

Wine: Enhances a romantic situation.



Tantalize her taste buds with these appetizers and make love before dinner (who wants to make love on a full stomach?)

How about warm steamed asparagus dipped in honey mustard?

Try an arugula salad with cucumbers and a ginger dressing with oysters on the half shell

Bring a bowl of sliced bananas and pineapple drizzled with honey & a dash of nutmeg to bed.



I'm showing guys how to make Sweet Honey Brie on TV (recipe below) which has two ingredients to make her melt.
One, honey - honey was given to the bride and groom on their wedding night in the 19th Century which led to the word "Honeymoon." Egyptians used honey for medicinal puposes for impotency and sterility.
Sweet Honey Brie
A seductive appetizer for two.
Delenee Brugman, Happily Wed and Happily Fed

Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Serves: 2

Ingredients:
A triangular wedge of French Brie
A tablespoon of honey
A handful of sliced almonds
Fresh fruit (berries, grapes, fresh figs or apple slices)
A baguette or crackers

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Place your wedge of Brie in the center of an oven safe plate or dish. Drizzle it with honey and sprinkle the sliced almonds on top of the Brie and all around the dish. Warm it in the oven until the center of the Brie is soft and just starting to melt - about 5 minutes. The almonds will become a toasty golden brown if you place the brie close to the heating element in the oven.

Watch it closely because the Brie can quickly melt into an oil like substance, which you do not want. Slightly melted in the center, but still soft is the desired result. The outer white part of the brie will still be firm.

Presentation:
Place the hot dish or plate on top of a larger, cool dish or platter and garnish with fresh fruit and baguettes slices or crackers.

Enjoy!