Never Say the “D” Word
Trust me on this. I mean it. Regardless of what he did or how mad and hurt you are, you can NEVER, EVER say, “I want a divorce.”
The “D” word is the death of a marriage. Remember that. Your need to say it will pass. Be patient. Emotions are like currents; they ebb and flow. Difficult situations will evolve and resolutions will come forth. Trust that they will, in time. Just don’t say the “D” word, ever. I know a couple that loosely tosses the phrase out when talking about each other and threaten each other with divorce every time they argue. Don’t throw this hurtful phrase in your spouse’s face in the heat of the moment or in a negative mood. You can’t erase that “D” once you said it. Once said, it is difficult to remove its weight. Respect your spouse and yourself. Respect the marriage! You made a commitment for happy ever after¾why then would you ever dishonor yourself, your word, your promise and your marriage? Get working positively towards solutions to your problems, instead of poisoning your marriage with the big ugly “D.”
Glenn and I promised early in our marriage to never say the “D” word. Coming from a background of multiple divorces in my family, I knew we had to be firm about this rule. Each of us has, a few times, started to or wanted to say the other no-no words, “leave” or “separate”, but the feeling and moment passed. It does. Once, I literally bit my tongue to keep from speaking and I could only communicate through nodding. It worked.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Preface
Dear Reader,
I've written a cookbook for love. Happily Wed and Happily Fed inspires committment to marriage. Through this blog, I share excerpts from the book. Now you can be happily married for twenty years. This book gives the recipes for success. I share recipes on how to flirt, communicate, love, endure and give as told through my twenty year marriage story, and I blend in delicious recipes of food.
There are far too many tears, divorces, broken homes and unhappily wed couples in the world. I want you to be more fulfilled in love and in life. My immediate desire for this book is to satiate a hunger I recognize in today’s marriages and to ease the endless pursuit of nourishment. My vision, however, is to inspire longevity in marriages and reduce divorce-one marriage at a time-by encouraging you to embrace your marriage as robustly, creatively and optimistically as I have.
I begin this cookbook for love from our restful home in Kula, Maui, Hawaii, during the twentieth year of our marriage. We have come a long way. Our journey of love, friendship, struggles, joy and cherished family times are bonded together by great meals. We have survived against many odds: divorce statistics, parental history (multiple marriages and divorces of both my parents) and the unbelievable truth that we met, kissed, got pregnant and married all within 4 ½ months!
This book also resembles a memoir. I have added odd family tidbits and humorous mishaps to keep you entertained. You will come to understand what pulling a “Wilson” means and walk through twenty years of life with me. I have not researched the topic of marriage, nor am I a psychiatrist or psychologist. I have lived it. I am a wife sharing with you what works for my marriage. I am also a home cook sharing with you our treasured family recipes. I have not studied culinary arts; I have, probably much like you, learned as I cooked. You will enjoy meals originating from Mexico, The Philippines, France, Italy, Hawaii, India and our restaurant, Café Reese, in Portland, Oregon.
Our marriage, like many, has not always thrived. There have been starvation periods! It has had dark storms, disappointments, trials and moments of exasperation felt by both partners. Our marriage is not perfect, nor should it be. It is alive, changing and growing, as we live within its unfolding story. At its best, it is a good example of the commitment to the most important long-standing human relationship two adults can share. I hope my marriage tips and recipes will resonate with you. What works for me and for my marriage can work for you, too.
Throughout this book I portray a traditional role for wives in wonderful ways. That is what usually suits my marriage. But, please remember that I am also an entrepreneur, a real estate investor, a restaurant owner, and now a writer. Being a wife today is an interesting balance. I write from a wife’s perspective, because that is what I know. Men like this book, too. Should you be a husband reading this, just flip the words he/him/husband to she/her/wife and many chapters will apply. My marriage tips work for new marriages, old marriages, first, second or third marriages, or for anyone wanting to enhance their love relationship and stay committed. I offer you recipes for feeding your marriage and recipes for feeding your family. You can absorb them all at once and change immediately, practice them once a week or reread them for inspiration when you need to. That recipe is up to you.
My Uncle Fred, who has been married to my Aunt Lynn for thirty-nine years, encouraged me to finish this book and said, “It might add spice to a marriage that in the beginning had all the right ingredients, but over time needs additional sauce.”
There is one more thing you should know: I have actually prepared at least 15,000 meals for Glenn. Do the math! That would be approximately 2 meals per day times 365 days times 20 years. This is one great way to show your partner love.
Delenee
I've written a cookbook for love. Happily Wed and Happily Fed inspires committment to marriage. Through this blog, I share excerpts from the book. Now you can be happily married for twenty years. This book gives the recipes for success. I share recipes on how to flirt, communicate, love, endure and give as told through my twenty year marriage story, and I blend in delicious recipes of food.
There are far too many tears, divorces, broken homes and unhappily wed couples in the world. I want you to be more fulfilled in love and in life. My immediate desire for this book is to satiate a hunger I recognize in today’s marriages and to ease the endless pursuit of nourishment. My vision, however, is to inspire longevity in marriages and reduce divorce-one marriage at a time-by encouraging you to embrace your marriage as robustly, creatively and optimistically as I have.
I begin this cookbook for love from our restful home in Kula, Maui, Hawaii, during the twentieth year of our marriage. We have come a long way. Our journey of love, friendship, struggles, joy and cherished family times are bonded together by great meals. We have survived against many odds: divorce statistics, parental history (multiple marriages and divorces of both my parents) and the unbelievable truth that we met, kissed, got pregnant and married all within 4 ½ months!
This book also resembles a memoir. I have added odd family tidbits and humorous mishaps to keep you entertained. You will come to understand what pulling a “Wilson” means and walk through twenty years of life with me. I have not researched the topic of marriage, nor am I a psychiatrist or psychologist. I have lived it. I am a wife sharing with you what works for my marriage. I am also a home cook sharing with you our treasured family recipes. I have not studied culinary arts; I have, probably much like you, learned as I cooked. You will enjoy meals originating from Mexico, The Philippines, France, Italy, Hawaii, India and our restaurant, Café Reese, in Portland, Oregon.
Our marriage, like many, has not always thrived. There have been starvation periods! It has had dark storms, disappointments, trials and moments of exasperation felt by both partners. Our marriage is not perfect, nor should it be. It is alive, changing and growing, as we live within its unfolding story. At its best, it is a good example of the commitment to the most important long-standing human relationship two adults can share. I hope my marriage tips and recipes will resonate with you. What works for me and for my marriage can work for you, too.
Throughout this book I portray a traditional role for wives in wonderful ways. That is what usually suits my marriage. But, please remember that I am also an entrepreneur, a real estate investor, a restaurant owner, and now a writer. Being a wife today is an interesting balance. I write from a wife’s perspective, because that is what I know. Men like this book, too. Should you be a husband reading this, just flip the words he/him/husband to she/her/wife and many chapters will apply. My marriage tips work for new marriages, old marriages, first, second or third marriages, or for anyone wanting to enhance their love relationship and stay committed. I offer you recipes for feeding your marriage and recipes for feeding your family. You can absorb them all at once and change immediately, practice them once a week or reread them for inspiration when you need to. That recipe is up to you.
My Uncle Fred, who has been married to my Aunt Lynn for thirty-nine years, encouraged me to finish this book and said, “It might add spice to a marriage that in the beginning had all the right ingredients, but over time needs additional sauce.”
There is one more thing you should know: I have actually prepared at least 15,000 meals for Glenn. Do the math! That would be approximately 2 meals per day times 365 days times 20 years. This is one great way to show your partner love.
Delenee
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